Just got paid today and it feels fine!
So I'm going to buy a skateboard and
skate this one hoarse town!

Last night, we went to a pizza joint
called Trifon's. It was one of the many
pizzerias in this town that suck.
So far, 4 people have told me that Regina
has the most restaurants per capita in
Canada.
Whatever, they're all pizzerias or buffets
anyways. Not real restaurants.
See? The fat thing keeps coming up.
Our waitress was totally ditzy and the food
was terrible. The drinks are incredibly cheap.
3.00 for a mixed drink.
The kicker is 8.00 for a shitty lasagna with
limp garlic bread.
That's the thing... everybody goes out to
restaurants to drink, not eat.

Cooks here also over-pepper everything.
It shows lack of imagination and a wrong-headed
approach to food prep. Don't drown your food!

Anyways a bunch a really fat guys in black came
into the restaurant. They proceeded to sit
down, order coffees and start playing dungeons
and dragons or something. Yikes!
I lost my appetite.
After that, we walked the empty streets home,
passing by the only gay club in Regina. Music
streamiong out, but with no one there.

Did I tell you that people can't drive here?
They suck the bag.(Remember that?)

Most of the time, it's because they're driving
with their stomachs. I'm being serious!
When I peer through the side windows
of a car, I see this incredible silhouette of
someone with their bellies supporting
the steering wheel. No joke.

Oh yes.. Big Gulps
More on that!

Yesterday, Regina was the hottest city in
Canada!
Yes, leave it to me to live in a city
with a whole lotta number ones:
Crime / Heat / Fat

Today I was approached by a couple
of kids that were from a Christian
Boys Camp. They asked me all about
God.

It's obvious that the camps don't
teach these boys much of anything.
Forcing them to go around asking
complete strangers about their faith.
I said that Britney Spears is a
Christian. Aren't you boys glad
that she is so you won't go to hell
for fantasizing about her?

I've been quite inconsistent lately in updating
my blogger, for that I apologize.
In case there was anyone out there waiting
breathlessly to find out what happens next,
sorry about the wait.
The photos are coming, I just have to get them
outta the printer's.
My home computer is suffering from some sort
of virus and I've been trying to get rid of it.
I have a folder on my desktop that says "tricktreat"
that I can't get rid of. Any suggestions?
I also noticed that nobody was commenting,
oh well.
Anyways, I've been a busy little frog, what with my
temp job and my art job.
I've been temping for two whole weeks now. At
night, typing delicious personal information into
a computer (which doesn't have the Elvis screensaver).

I work in the ugliest building in Regina. Yes there are some!
It looks like somebody pored shit into a mould, let it harden
and viola! Instant shit building.
I work on the main floor but at break time, everybody shuffles
up to the second floor to relax in the Philip Starck designed
lounge.
There we partake in a bit of snooker, a bit of TV
(everyone seems to be watchin Weakest Link),
and get pop from the pop machine and chips from the
chip machine.
Social talk seems to be restricted to types of shooters
people have had and types of beer they like. As well as
the new eminem album.
It can get quite depressing and stoopid.

My art job: I don't know what is really and I've not been
paid yet, but I think I'm doing something. I'll tell
you more about that as it progresses.
Because I'm doing something for somebody else
for about 10 to 11 hours a day, I find it hard to
updated the blog, so there.

These little distractions of mine have not totally erased
the sense of contempt I still have for some of the people
in this town. I have to keep reminding myself that these
folks see things quite differently than I do.
Or else I am the freaky frog I am.
Probably a bit of both.
Let's just say this place isn't all that inspiring.

People have a strange cow-like gaze that is
very disturbing at first, then it just becomes
annoying.
Perhaps one day, the cows will evolve over
humans and the humans will be the cows here.

I found out today that Robin's Donut, the local
coffee shop chain (think CoffeeTime) has its
own team in the Dragon Boat Races.
::: life preservers are large donuts :::

Oh yeah, i was kidding about Philip Starck.

Ok. You'll have to wait a bit longer for photos
and such. My computer at home is on the
fritz. Just fixed it tonite.

On Saturday, we left Regina, heading East,
looking for this ranch.
We stopped in Moose Jaw for some gas and
as far as I could tell, it was a quaint little
town with a couple of tourist attractions.
Namely, its' mineral spa (all natural) and its'
tunnels. Though we just passed through
momentarily, it seemed like a nice little
town, a place I wouldn't mind spending some
time in. I'll have to go back.

Then onto Swift Current, approx. 3 hours
away from Regina going East.
Now, it seems, I've discovered the reservoir
of hickish retardation that Regina draws from.
Swift Current residents aren't too swift.
More on that later.

Then we headed north, passing through
a dry and desolate terrain that has more in
common with Montana than the rest of
Saskatchewan.
About half an hour from our destination, the
car decides to break down with no hope of
ever starting up again.

So there we were, stuck in the middle of nowhere.
On the side of a highway. Parked on the brush.
Popping open the hood. Desperately trying to
restart the car, checking the oil, fanning air onto
the engine. No deal.
It starts but then it dies. We have no idea why.
Right about now, it's 36 degrees on an open plain.
We look on the map. We were stuck on a stretch
of highway between two small towns that probably
didn't have much service anyways and the last
major town was Swift Current, which was half an
hour away by car. And there was spotty analog
cell phone service.

Two guys pulled up in a very shiny white pick up
truck and offered us a ride to the
small town we were heading toward.
We refused. They were freaky and small towns
don't have much in terms of service around here.

Five minutes later, two nice girls in a black Mustang
came up and offered to help.
Luckily, people on the road here can be really friendly
when you're in a jam like this one.

The girls, Amy and Nicole, offered to drive us back
to Swift Current, even though they were heading in the
other direction! That's how nice Saskatchewan people
generally are. Most of them, that is.

On the ride over, they played one of Chris Sheppard's
tapes or CDs which helped cool us down.
Thanks alot Amy and Nicole! Youse guys are the best!

Now, that we were back in Swift ( as the locals like to call it).
We had to chill out until we could catch the bus back to
Regina. So we hung out at the "Smitty's" attached to the
Esso station on the outskirts of town drinking rye and
gingers while we waited for the tow truck to pick up
the car.

After leaving the car at Canadian Tire to be fixed,
we took a cab to the bus station. The cabbie was
really nice and told us that there was too much
competition as a cabbie in Swift as there are
14 cabs!

The bus station was tiny, with a really smelly cafeteria.
It was smelly because the guy who ran it just cleaned the
place it smelled of disinfectant. Little did we know that
he would be cooking our eggs and waffles!
The place was populated by really strange and trashy
people that I assumed were locals.
One guy was really fat. But his head was really small.
His wife had a problem of some sort. But they kept
staring at us.

Then came more trash.
A bleah blonde mother came in with her kid and neice.
The neice was probably twelve and had t-shirt on that
said "Bite Me" on it.
The little kid was rambunctious and had a longish girl
mullet and wanted to climb all over the place.
The mom was total mean trashy mom. She kept telling
her kid to "Sit down and shaddup!", "I said No!", "Get over here!".

I really, really feel sorry for the kids here. They just wanna
be kids and their parents have no right to be parents.
We went out to the waiting area for the busses.
It smelled of more disinfectant.
The bus comes from Vancouver and goes to Toronto.
If we stayed on, we'd be home in 30 odd hours.

More trash in the lobby. This woman, who I swear I've
seen backstage at the Van Halen 1984 tour and looks
like a total Scarberian (South Rocker) kept asking me
if I was going West. And then she asked me if we were
going to the states. She had a look of pure fucked up
ness that it wasn't even funny any more.

How depressing.

Another image:

Bus comes, woman gets out with baby.
Sits on the asphalt with baby, lets baby sit
on the asphalt. Woman smokes cigarette.
Baby is cute, Woman is trash.

C'mon, don't let your baby sit on the ground.

>>Bus is really crowded and tight.
However, it's not rowdy, which is what I
expected. Since it's quite late, most people
are trying to sleep. That's good, cause that 's
all we're trying to do, after such a crazy day.

So:
Moose Jaw: quaint.
Swift Current: not so.

Lesson learned:
Drive better cars.
Invest in GPS
and satelite phone.
Have private helicopter fleet always
at the ready.
Don't drink the water in Swift Current.

On the way into Swift Current, there was a
huge billboard put up by the Pro-life Association:

"Saving Saskatchewan's Number One Resource:
People!"